I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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