i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
