so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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