franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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