barbara walters just said penis...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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