my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
