i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
