finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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