I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The power of my boobs compel you
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
