yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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