If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
