My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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