at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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