my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
