nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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