There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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