I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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