god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I want a musical about memes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
