mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
