Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
