I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
