i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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