in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
