She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
