I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
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Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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