Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
