apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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