Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
