a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
