After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
