I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
