I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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