I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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