As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
