i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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