You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
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I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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