Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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