dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
