Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
