So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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