This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
