we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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