im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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