Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This baby is an asshole
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
