This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
