You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
