My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
