Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
