took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
