meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
