Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Everyone says I win the strip club
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
