Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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