I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
