I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
