I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
