Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
