That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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