I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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