I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
