Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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