I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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