they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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