Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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