What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
