So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
