i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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