i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
