So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
