so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
