I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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