im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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