Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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