Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
