I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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