the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
