I heard we made out
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
