Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
