I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
