I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
