We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
