I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
